Why Women Stay Too Long, Give Too Much, and Lose Themselves in the Process: A Conversation on Behind the Shades
In a powerful conversation with Terraine Brown on the Behind the Shades podcast, I had the opportunity to dive deep into the hidden dynamics that leave so many women burned out, disconnected, and stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns—despite doing everything “right.”
We started with a question I hear often: Why are so many women exhausted—even when they appear to be successful or have “everything” together? The truth is, many of us are operating from a survival strategy that the world has handed to us: armor up, stay strong, keep giving. But when we trade our feminine power for endless productivity and people-pleasing, we lose more than our energy—we lose ourselves.
I call it “donning the mask of the masculine.” And yes, it’s protective. In a world that doesn’t honor the power of femininity, many women unconsciously abandon their natural gifts of receptivity, softness, and connection to avoid being hurt, taken advantage of, or discarded. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our value lies in what we do—not in who we are.
But this masculine overfunctioning comes at a steep cost. It drains our energy, leads to chronic stress, and—perhaps most painfully—keeps us stuck in codependent relationships. As Terraine and I discussed, many women find themselves taking care of everyone—their kids, their partner, their partner’s emotions, their job—because they’ve been told that’s what love looks like. We’ve been sold the myth that if we just give more, try harder, or love them through it, we’ll finally receive the care we crave in return.
Spoiler: we won’t.
Because real partnership doesn’t require self-abandonment. It doesn’t demand that we be 90% of the relationship, all the time. As I shared in the episode, if you’re always the one holding the weight—financially, emotionally, spiritually—that’s not a relationship. That’s a sinking ship.
And no, healing this dynamic isn’t about blaming men or shaming women. It’s about reclaiming feminine power—the kind that knows how to receive, how to rest, how to say no, and how to only welcome partners who have real skin in the game.
This episode is for every woman who’s ever stayed too long, given too much, or felt like she was disappearing in the process of trying to love someone else.
It’s time we stop being everything for everyone. And start being everything for ourselves.
